Life as an Enneagram 9

Have you ever taken the Enneagram personality test? I had heard about it last year and was immediately intrigued. I love learning about different personalities and I think it is amazing that we are all SO different. God created no two the same, and yet we all are made to live together, and I think that is just really interesting, and also a way God uses to teach us so much. I am definitely not an expert on the Enneagram (so make sure to take what I say with a grain of salt, and do your own research), but I have read up on it over the last year, and have learned a few things, mostly about my ‘type’ and my husbands ‘type’. I have learned that we are VERY opposite, but have also noticed that many couples are opposites and it actually works in their favour! I have since encouraged my family and friends around me to take the test, because I want to know what type they are too. If you have never taken the test here are a few links to some that you can take. Though, from what I have read the test isn’t the only way to figure out your type, you only truly know what type you are when you learn about them and ask yourself the hard questions ;).

When I first took the Enneagram test I originally thought that I scored higher as a 2. Type 2 is considered ‘The Helper’ I shared this news with my good friend who is much more of an expert in her Enneagram knowledge then me, and she gave me a few good tips. The first was that many Christian raised women (who are now Mom’s) will tend to score high as 2’s because it is filled with traits that we are taught to have growing up, such as having a willing servant heart, being generous with what you have, tending to the needs of others with love. So even though I did have all those traits, they may not necessarily have been ‘natural traits’ but more traits that I had learned along the way, things that had already been engrained in me from my upbringing in the church. I had also scored very high as a type 9. Which is considered ‘The Peacemaker’. I had read my results and seen that one of the big traits of a 9 was to be a procrastinator. Ummmm…excuse me I am NOT a procrastinator! I instantly felt defensive and thought, yup there is NO way I am a 9. That’s when my friend again reminded me of another important tip when figuring out your Enneagram type. She said the things that make you the most uncomfortable when you read them…, the ones that make your cheeks get hot, think about those things again. Those are probably things that really are a part of your personality but are harder to admit. So it took a few days of thinking, definitely some hot cheeks, but I realized in many things I was procrastinating! A light bulb went off, and I started to read up more on Type 9. The more I got into it, and talked to my friend (who continued to encourage me in my 9-ness) I realized that yes, wether I liked it or not, that was my personality type, and in finding that out there was now so much to learn!

You may think, what is the point of knowing what ‘Type’ you are? Does it really matter? I look at it this way, those around me that I love and care about, I want to serve them well, and love them well. To do that, it is crucial to know how they think, what makes them tick, and why they are the way they are. This way I can understand others better, and understand myself better, which is also important for personal growth. Knowing your type doesn’t mean you are stuck in your ways, but it means that you learn things you can work on to actually excel in your specific type, and help the others around you excel also. So no, it’s not essential to know your type, but it is helpful and fun too! The Enneagram has recently gained popularity in the past few years, but it’s actually been around for a very long time, and there are a ton of good books and websites about it if you want to get started. I was recommended to ‘The Road Back to You’ by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile for a Christian perspective on the Enneagram, and have read a few chapters and really enjoy it. Like I mentioned before, the more you read about it, the more you can really understand your type, and the types of your loved ones.

So, I am a 9. What is life like as an Enneagram 9 you ask? Here are some of the basic personality traits as taken from the internet, a bit of the good the bad and the ugly of a type 9,

Friendly, Agreeable, Cooperative, Adaptable, Trusting, Easy-going, Empathetic, Focus on other people and the external environment, Going with the flow.

Basic Desire is Peace and Harmony, a skilled Mediator, Warm, Open-Minded, Caring, Amiable, Nature loving

Avoids all Conflict (like the plague), Stubborn, Indecisive, Low Self-Worth, procrastination, fear of separation from those they love, a people pleaser, tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting, Introverted.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? If you are a type 9 also, then I know you can relate! And if you are a close family member then I know you can probably see some of these things in me too. But besides all of those traits one of the biggest things I find that is tricky about being a type 9 is my love for people and wanting to help and give so much to them, but the fact that people drain me fast and my basic desire is to not be around them that much. Contradictory I know ;) I love people so much, and I want to help them and be with them, but it honestly sucks the life out of me. So how does knowing that help me? It doesn’t mean that I have to stay home 24/7 and never go out in the world (though if your a 9 that frankly sounds amazing haha) It means that I don’t plan too many social things too close together, I give myself time to ‘re-coup’ after being in an intense social situation, so that I can fill up my cup and be ready for the next one without using up all of my ‘peopley resources’.

Yes I am introverted, and definitely go with the flow of what other people want, I do not like to be front and centre, and PLEASE don’t ask me to pick what restaurant to go to when eating out, haha (good thing we don’t go out too much!) What if I picked the wrong place and the food was gross? I want everyone to be happy, more then I want to choose what to eat, I will honestly eat whatever you like. I can see multiple sides of a situation, so to me every person has a story and comes from somewhere and acts the way they do for a reason. I am able to see all different sides to something, life is not black and white to me. I do.not.like.conflict, and try to avoid it at all costs, which is probably a factor to why I am more introverted. Conflict stresses me out and disturbs my ‘balance’ and I usually will not rest until it is resolved, and get frustrated if it cannot be resolved. But I do have a bit of an ‘Inner Mama bear’ when it comes to my kids and husband, there is usually no indecisiveness when it comes to what I believe is best for them and I typically stick to my guns to protect them. I also don’t mind being considered ‘different’ or living life ‘outside the box’, which you can see from our choice to homeschool and live up North, to my career path with photography.

Yes it’s true, I do procrastinate for some things, I practice piano the night before I am playing on the worship team in the morning, when I should be practicing all week. I give up on my photo editing, because it’s dragging on and I have other more creative things to do. I wait to make my meal plan and grocery list until the minute before I get in the car and head to the store (speaking of I should do that right now lol) Yet for other things I don’t rest until they are done, the difference? I do not know. Somethings just make me procrastinate more. I have always had the ‘work before play’ mentality, so as I mentioned before, it was hard for me to admit that I can be a procrastinator, but it’s helped me tons now that I notice it, I can push myself a bit more in the right direction to get things done when I am feeling a procrastination station day coming on.

The way to fill my cup would be spending time being active in nature (either a hike or a canoe) with a loved one, breathing in fresh air and seeing the beauty the outside surrounding me. Nature fills me up like nothing else, I almost get a bit of a ‘high’ from it, a fully natural high, haha. I don’t tend to really ever say what I want, again most likely to avoid conflict, and for my wanting to please people around me and make them happy. So if I do say something specific it must be something I REALLY want to happen. Or if I post something online, comment on something, or text something that is only because I have really thought about what I was going to write, I don’t blurt. I have quite a bit of patience, and to phase me would probably take quite a lot. So if your kid is screaming in the grocery store, I am definitely not judging you, I am empathizing with you in my head and sending good vibes ;). I truly always want the very best for people.

Going to conferences is probably one of my biggest challenges, yet I still do it here and there to support my husband and to get out of my comfort zone. But if you ask me to share my deepest feelings with a stranger I will probably run in the opposite direction ;). I like to keep things light hearted and positive, peaceful and happy. I love dogs, they are loyal and loving, cuddly and cute and they don’t talk back to me, they show love with no expectations which is just perfect for me. I connect better with one person at a time, and have a hard time connecting with multiple people in a group, but will always do my best #churchwife. If I feel someone really truly ‘knows’ me and has taken the time to, that means SO much to me, and I really love to get to know people well too and serve them how they love to be served.

All in all being a 9 isn’t so bad, but isn’t without it’s challenges. Learning all about my type has really helped me to step out of my comfort zone more, and to know when to take a break so that I don’t crack ;). Also knowing that sometimes conflict is essential for growth has been such a big lesson. I simply can’t avoid all conflict or discomfort and I have really seen how God can grow me through it, and use it for good! A few years ago I may not have been able to say that, or see that. I have also learned a lot about my husband’s type but that is for a whole other blog post I think ;) If you think it would be fun to hear how two opposites like us get along so well, I will do a post about that soon! And If you are also a type 9, or know what type you are, leave a comment and let me know, because were in this together!

stay cozy friends,

Shelley